In a shocking turn of events, Princeton High School’s prestigious Model UN has received several model threats of terrorism from the recently formed Model Al-Qaeda, a club that offers PHS students the opportunity to experience the fast-paced, exciting world of militant fundamentalism from the comfort of their very own high school. The up-and-coming club was formed last spring by a few seniors, who wished to provide the PHS community with “a fun way for the terrorists of tomorrow to hone their skills and learn to solve problems on a global scale.” Model Al-Qaeda participants have the opportunity to attend up to seven conferences per year, as well as mock hijackings and field trips to real Al-Qaeda bases in Yemen, Saudi Arabia, and Libya.
Until very recently, MUN and MAQ had operated alongside one another in harmony. However, at a MUN mock conference earlier this week, several MAQ members infiltrated the classroom and, armed with model box cutters, model demanded the payment of eighty billion model dollars.
This occurrence presented members of MUN with a crisis, the likes of which the club had previously never faced. After frantically organizing several emergency caucuses, MUN officers found themselves left with no choice but to pay the MAQ invaders the demanded sum of money. Fortunately, before the transaction could be completed, PHS’s Model TSA raced into the auditorium and saved the day by heroically patting the crotches of all MUN and MAQ members present.