PRINCETON – Recently, many Princeton High School students have noticed a popular trend: wearing certain color shirts to support various causes – wearing purple shirts to support gay rights, yellow shirts to support suicide prevention, beige shirts to support crocodile attack victims, etc…. As of last Saturday, it has been confirmed that there are officially no causes left. Every single one has been resolved by the individuals who, for the past few months, have been fighting to make the world a better place by coordinating their shirt colors. The strategy of large groups of people wearing shirts of the same color on certain days has been an astounding success, and society is no longer troubled by such problems as homophobia, suicide, or crocodiles.
“It really is a proud day for America,” said frequent shirt-wearer/social activist, Bert Johnson ’15, who recently helped end world hunger by wearing a burgundy turtleneck. Johnson also participated in “Wear Chartreuse to Support Victims of Spontaneous Combustion Day.” Johnson’s awareness of the issue of spontaneous combustion was initially raised by his good friend who could not be reached for comment.
The world is lucky to have individuals brave enough to coordinate their shirt colors. Now that our world is completely free of social issues, the shirt-wearing activists will direct their attention to saving our nation’s economy, one garment at a time.