Sports

PHS Wins Football Game Seven Concussions to Three

Princeton High’s football team has emerged victorious from its recent game against Princeton Day School, winning by a score of seven concussions to three concussions.

The first half of the game was difficult for the Tigers, as the PDS team successfully concussed three of its players in the first half, and thus lead by a score of 3-0 at halftime.

Fortunately, PHS was able to make a heroic comeback during the second half of the game, recording a whopping seven concussions. PDS, on the other hand, failed to score a single concussion after halftime.

Fans and players agreed that the MVP of the game was offensive lineman Jack Smithson ‘14, who helped his team soar to victory by removing his helmet and frantically slamming his forehead against the goal posts. Following Smithson’s heroic performance, PHS successfully kicked the extra point, by kicking linebacker Derek Paulson ‘15 in the face.

As a result of their victory, PHS will go on to compete in the Excedrin Extra Strength Concussion Bowl.

In the immortal words of Vince Lombardi, “winners never quit, and quitters never experience mild traumatic brain injuries, which often cause the brain to slide against the interior of the skull and are especially damaging to the diencephalon.”

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