Student Life

Administration Replaces Water Fountains With Shiny New Soap Dispensers

Bathrooms across Princeton High School have been embellished with new, officially labeled, Princeton Public Schools soap dispensers. Wishing to capitalize on this success, the PHS Administration, along with the PPS School Board, has recently replaced all of the school’s decaying, broken water fountains with beautiful, functional soap dispensers.

“Everybody loves the fancy new soap dispensers,” lauded an anonymous member of the administration. “After we installed them in the bathrooms as replacements of the highly dysfunctional generic brand soap dispensers, PHS students could wash their hands frequently and joyously. But there was still work to be done. Many of the school’s water fountains were disgusting, poorly designed, or simply broken. Thankfully, we’ve replaced these water fountains with brand new, top of the line soap dispensers. Now, whenever our students need a refreshing drink of water, there’s a soap dispenser for them.”

“Soap dispensers branded with the ‘Princeton Public Schools’ logo build district unity,” says school board treasurer Joey Parker. “Having our logo stamped on these soap dispensers reminds every student, every time they clean their hands, that they go to a Princeton Public School. Could a water fountain do that? No sir.”

To combat fears of wasteful spending, meningitis, and potential dehydration the School Board is releasing a town wide advertising campaign with the tag line “Fountains spread germs. Soap kills germs.”

The School Board has also announced that, in a similar effort, English teacher Mr. Harrington will soon be replaced by a soap dispenser.

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