Princeton High School’s Social Studies department, in conjunction with the Princeton Public Schools Board of Education, has come to the conclusion that students lack sufficient knowledge of American history at the end of their sophomore year and require an additional year of US History education. The administration has determined that two US History courses do not provide adequate information about the history of the U.S.A.
Most students agree that AP US History provides them with a merely a cursory knowledge of American history. “We barely even get any homework in AP US,” commented Bradley Donald ‘16. “It’s a pretty chill class.” Those who took US II had similar feelings regarding the matter.
“By the end of US II or AP US, we expected students to know about the Saturday Night Massacre, or the weapons we sold to the Iranians, or Monica Lewinsky, but they appear to remember material only up to the New Deal,” remarked sophomore history teacher Mr. James Godin, adding “So clearly, the only thing we could do is have the students take AP US History II their junior year.”
The new course will be a graduation requirement for all students currently enrolled in a US History class, regardless of their grade level. Naturally, the course would start at European colonization of the New World, to ensure students do not forget that material.
Another teacher, Mrs. Ravita, chimed, “We believe it’s the right thing to do. In reality, there is no need for the students to learn about the rest of the world. Chinese Civilization? Who cares! Islamic Golden Age? Hakuna Matata. Until the students can properly write an essay about the monetary policy debate in the Gilded Age they should continue studying America.”
Many PHS freshmen and sophomores reacted with confusion to the announcement. “Other countries have history too?” questioned Bill Williams ‘17. Overhearing this interview, a nearby student, Sarah Jesston ‘17, responded “of course Bill, America ratified ‘The Constitution’ so all other countries could follow the same law. That’s why America is the oldest country in the world.”
The Dungeon’s underclassmen reporters were likewise confused by this announcement.