Guidance Announces “Stress Less” Event for Chris Christie and Staff

As the mountain of new evidence potentially incriminating Chris Christie grows larger, the New Jersey governor and his administration’s stress levels are sure to be on the rise. This is the rationale behind the PHS guidance department’s latest announcement: a “Stress Less” event for Christie and his staff.

“We had so much success de-stressing students for midterms, we thought, why not help out the governor too?” PHS guidance secretary Lynda Hersch told the Dungeon. “Political scandals can be very overwhelming. The guidance department and I feel that some scented candles, sensual massages, and yoga are just what the governor needs.”

A spokesperson from Governor Christie’s administration has confirmed that, like most PHS students, the governor only plans on attending “Stress Less” to acquire free pancakes. “A carbohydrate-loaded snack, like pancakes, can be perfect for de-stressing,” the spokesperson told The Dungeon. “Christie, I think, more than most other politicians, can attest to that.”

While most of the details surrounding the event have been kept under wraps, The Dungeon can confirm that there will be group bonding activities, a comprehensive review of the 5th amendment, and a “Stronger Than The Storm” dance-a-thon. An order for a piñata in the shape of Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich was placed early this week.

The Dungeon has also confirmed that Bridgegate Care Packages will be on sale for $5 in the main intersection.


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