The following is a list of The Dungeon’s favorite ways to spend a snow day. Enjoy!
– Promote political correctness by lying down in the snow and making “non-denominational, gender-neutral snow figures.”
– Reinforce the White Christian patriarchy by creating white male snow angels.
– Read The Dungeon.
– Stay warm! Remember that 40% of your body heat escapes through your head, so avoid having one whenever possible.
– Visit The Dungeon’s website and repeatedly click refresh.
– Go sledding. Or, buy a house. With the way the market’s looking right now, it seems like prices are only going to go up from here, so it’d be a sucker’s bet to miss out on this chance. You’ll want to make sure your credit rating is in good shape first. Try to get a full report of your credit score at least a few months before you start looking. For help, visit https://www.creditkarma.com/. Once you’ve made sure your credit is satisfactory, start thinking about your price range. A good principle to follow is to look at houses priced at 2.5 times your annual salary or less. If you need to take out a loan, there’s no harm in doing so. Remember that even if you can’t pay a high down payment right now, you may still qualify for loans from certain banks. When taking out your first mortgage, you’ll need to think about whether you’re looking for something with a low down payment and a high interest rate or vice versa. For example, if you’re expecting a pay raise, say, four years from now, you might want a mortgage that will allow you to postpone as much of the payment as possible until then. When actually selecting your new home, you’ll want to consider everything from school district quality to number of bedrooms and bathrooms. Don’t be discouraged if you have to visit many houses before finding one that’s right for you. (Data courtesy of CNN Money.)
– Direct your web browser of choice (The Dungeon recommends Internet Explorer) to http://thedungeonphs.com.
– Remember that assault via frozen precipitation (commonly referred to as “snow ball fighting”) is illegal and can result in up to 14 years in prison.
-Shamelessly scatter self promotion throughout your work.
– Everyone loves watching seasonal Disney movies! Unfortunately, to the best of The Dungeon’s knowledge, Disney has yet to release a winter-themed film. “The Lion King” is pretty good though.
– Build a fire! Nothing says “appreciating nature” like staying inside next to a man-made source of heat. Copies of The Tower make great kindling.