PYONGYANG DPRK – This week, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un attacked Princeton High School’s Asian-American cultural celebration, declaring last Friday’s Asian Fest “an embarrassment to Asia.” The dictator and his supporters expressed much disdain for the event’s failure to acknowledge the most glorious and excellent of the Asian nations.
Kim Jong-un isn’t the only one to protest the content of the festival. “I think it was extremely offensive that we weren’t included,” an anonymous representative of PHS’s North Korean Club told The Dungeon.
Among the Magnificent Leader’s issues with the event was the fact that, contrary to North Korean Tradition, the festival served food, was not ruled by an all-powerful supreme tyrant and failed to recognize the importance of censorship. The North Korean government was especially annoyed with Asian Fest’s unimpressive death toll of zero.
The PHS administration has announced plans to improve Asian Fest in the years to come. Principal Snyder has agreed to consider Jong-un’s proposed reforms. According to a report from the North Korean consulate, “the two really see eye to eye.”