PRINCETON – The raunchy nature of PHS Spectacle Theatre’s latest production, A Little Night Music, has prompted the administration to require all cast members to attend a Teen PEP workshop on the importance of safe sex. The administration has promised that this workshop will teach the cast members everything that they need to know about performing in a musical that features countless suggestive and overtly sexual scenes.
“After a show like that, I’m not sure one workshop will be enough.” cast member John Mayburn ‘15, who is also a Teen PEP leader, told the Dungeon. Conveniently, both the Teen PEP and Musical Theatre classes are taught in the black box, allowing for many future workshops if necessary.
“[Last year’s] Beauty and The Beast wasn’t nearly this bad,” comments an anonymous representative of the administration. “Aside from minor concerns about beastiality, the show was almost sex-free. Now that they’ve performed in A Little Night Music our students are going to want to have sex with their stepsons and cheat on their wives. We at least hope that they make smart choices when partaking in these activities.”
The workshop will teach cast members to differentiate between sex with their wives and sex with their mistresses, consider russian roulette as an alternative to sexual intercourse, and prevent STIs, which could bring them a little death every day.
In a similar response to the show, Parents For Sex-Ed Choice will be boycotting all future Spectacle Theatre productions.