Student Life

“Let it Glow” Dance Just Another Excuse to Breathalyze Students

The Dungeon has confirmed that the “Let it Glow” themed homecoming dance, to which numerous students have been looking forward, is actually just another reason to screen the PHS student body for traces of alcohol. Although the dance has been heralded as a safe, fun event for the PHS community, it is, in fact, yet another item in the litany of events designed for breathalyzing-related purposes.

“Last time we had them breathalyzed was prom,” PHS Security Chief Leo Waldorf reported. “What with no more Cotillion at which to ensure they were clean, we needed another option.” Waldorf went on to explain that the PHS security team considered applying their breathalyzing abilities to Back to School Night, Fall Fest, and the October SAT date before ultimately deciding on Homecoming.

The Dungeon Department of Dance-Specific Name Discrepancies has unearthed the startling conclusion that even the dance’s name, “Let it Glow”, is actually a reference to the light that glows red when a breathalyzer tests positive.

Despite all the controversy surrounding this dance, Student Council has reported that upwards of four students have signed up for the dance, quadrupling the total signups for last year’s Spirit Semi-Formal.

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