As of December 1st, PHS teachers will no longer supervise extracurricular activities for which they are not compensated, a response to the ongoing contract issues between the teachers and the Board of Education. This means it’s time for PHS to say goodbye to the following beloved student organizations:
1. Moonshine Club
Since 1922, Moonshine Club has been the proud PHS chapter of the National Lunar Appreciation Society. The club formerly offered amateur astronomers the opportunity to explore their interests in a safe and wholesome environment, but has since been shut down. Many members have turned to alcohol to fill the void in their lives.
Visit http://www.moonshine.org for more information.
2. Breeding Club
Breeding Club will no longer be able to help students pursue their passion for facilitating the reproduction of livestock animals. As for the animals, one can only assume that they will continue to copulate, as per the norm.
Contrary to popular belief, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization is technically classified as a PHS club. Therefore, it has been shut down due to Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg’s lack of compensation. Said Stoltenberg, “It’s a shame we can no longer protect the world from acts of aggression by meeting Wednesdays at break in Room 271.”
4. Existentialism Club
Since 1995, Existentialism Club, a premier venue for absurdist yet intellectual discourse, was. It is no more.
Following in the footsteps of the University of Virginia, PHS has suspended Greek life until further notice.
6. Book Club:
Book Club’s existence was unfortunately terminated right in the middle of the club’s reading of To Kill a Mockingbird, leaving club members with no way to learn about that far-off time when courts displayed an unjust bias against African-Americans.
7. The Tower
Unlike these other clubs, the Tower lingers like a wounded gazelle, slowly bleeding to death in the arid desolation of the Serengeti.