Senior Daniel Johnson found himself in a terrible predicament after being given classmate Katherine Melzer’s yearbook to sign. “I mean, I don’t even know her,” said Johnson, “Sure we know each other’s names but I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with her for more than 2 minutes.” As Johnson opened the yearbook his mind frantically attempted to call up a memory, any memory at all, of something that the two classmates had shared, and could reportedly be heard muttering “at this point I’d settle for a group project” as he stared at the blank page, multi-colored pen in hand.
As he looked over the heartfelt messages written to Melzer by her friends, Johnson began sweating profusely and remarked “Jesus, look at Caroline Dreyfus there, she wrote a god damn 3 page letter! How am I supposed to compete with that?” An increasingly distraught Johnson continued, “I’m not even sure I would consider us acquaintances” before finding a corner of page he hoped his classmate wouldn’t see for a few years and writing “HAGS.”
At press time Melzer was reportedly wondering why her friend had passed her yearbook to Johnson, who she didn’t even know.