Local

Board of Trustees Lays Off Entire Dungeon Staff in Shocking Turn of Events

The world was taken by surprise on Friday when The Dungeon’s Board of Trustees voted to fire the entire Dungeon staff, effective immediately. Nick Jones, a columnist for the Dungeon, described the aftermath in the main newsroom as chaotic: “papers were being thrown everywhere, and people were throwing their old things into the trash like madmen as they cleaned out their cubicles. It was so sad to watch.”

Board member Haley Josephs elaborated that “there was a lot of screaming, lots of crying. Accusations were being thrown around of unnecessary spring cleaning, insufficient yellowness of journalism, and of being no better than the Tower. That one hurt.”

The team of writers, copy editors, graphic designers, and publishers then stormed out of the building, never to be seen again. The only exception to the Trustees’ mass clean out was Holden Finn, a newcomer to the Dungeon team who had been spared out of pity. “I-I have no idea what to do,” blurted the fitful novice. “I can’t handle such an important job all by myself!”

The world needs The Dungeon, but it needs to be re-staffed. So send Finn something. He’ll read it, and let you know what he thinks.

 
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