Judge Phillip Collins sentenced Princeton High School freshman George Biggs to four years in federal prison without possibility of parole on Tuesday, just five days after Biggs was caught bringing a slice of pizza from the cafeteria into the learning commons. The sentence was the result of Biggs breaking a law that prohibits any hot food from being brought into Princeton High School’s library.
“I had no idea that this law existed,” Biggs said tearfully as he was taken from the courtroom in handcuffs. “But as soon as I walked into the library, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Next thing I knew, I was lying in the Mercer County Jail.”
Biggs would later learn that he was tased into unconsciousness by the school librarian, who then frantically called the police. Officers were quick to respond and arrested Biggs on the spot.
The Dungeon does not advise students to risk legal trouble in order to enjoy their lunch in the library. Nevertheless, as the school’s leading source of information, we feel that it is our duty to advise those looking to sneak in hot food. One could:
Put the food in their backpack
Place the food in a lunchbox
Play it safe and scarf it down en route to the library
Place it in a large jacket pocket (this can get messy)
Get a few trustworthy friends to come along and create a visual barrier between you and the librarian as you walk in
Go raw vegan