Local / Student Life

Peer Group Leader Forgets Curriculum, Accidentally Dispenses Meaningful Advice

Disaster struck yesterday afternoon when a Peer Group leader was blindsided by a freshman’s question about a personal issue and, forgetting appropriate situational conduct, haphazardly answered it. The leader, who has asked to remain anonymous, was approached by a member of his group after their weekly meeting who was concerned about a party he was planning to attend this weekend.
“He asked me, ‘What should I do if some of the older kids offer me a drink?’ and I just froze. There are all these unwritten rules in Peer Group, you know? Like, we always tell the kids they can ask us anything, but we expect them to respect the implication that they should never actually do it. Is that too much to ask?”
Flummoxed in the spotlight of a real-life scenario, the leader neglected to follow correct procedure. “We’re supposed to explain the illegality of underage drinking before providing a detailed description of what happens to ‘lil’ freshman bitches’ in juvy, as outlined in the Peer Leader Program’s ‘Don’t Drop the Soap’ handout,” the offending leader disclosed. In place of the correct steps, the senior simply spoke as he felt based on years of high school experience.
“It was disgraceful,” Peer Leader instructor Erin Johnston said. “We spend hours and hours of our precious time teaching these leaders how to ease the transition into high school without letting any of their own thoughts get in the way. What [the leader] did undermines our entire operation.”
“I knew it was wrong as the words came out of my mouth,” explained the leader. “I started telling him that he should consider whether the older kids offering him beer are really his friends, and he should go easy and make sure not to test his limits on his first time, because drinking alcohol can be fun if used in moderation and in a comfortable environment. I don’t know what I was thinking!”
The senior has been dishonorably discharged from the Peer Group program as of this afternoon, and awaits news from colleges about altered admissions decisions in light of his actions.

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