Student Life

Colleges Fall All Over Themselves To Admit Sophomore Wearing Harvard Sweater

After flaunting a crimson Harvard sweater in school on Tuesday, Natasha Simmons ’19 has been flooded with offers of admission from nearly every top university in the nation.

“Well, that certainly doesn’t surprise me!” said Mrs. DiMatteo, Simmons’ chemistry teacher upon hearing the news. “She’s been wearing Cornell and Duke hoodies to school for the better part of a month, so I’ve known that she was destined for great things. Breaking out the Harvard sweater was just more confirmation.”

PHS students have been keeping track of Simmons’ many college-related fashion choices for the entire school year. She first showed off her incredible talents when she wore a Yale lanyard around her neck on the first day of school. Her capacity was underscored further the next week when she exhibited a Brown windbreaker.

“I already knew she was pretty smart, but I had no idea just how brilliant she was until she walked into 3rd period English with that sweater on,” said classmate Lucas Johnston. “What a great way to demonstrate her qualifications!”

In a press release, Stanford University stated it had no plans to admit Simmons, nor anyone else from the high school.feb78cfa7e05567ca09f3930a9c22125.jpg


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