The Dungeon’s Official Back to School Shopping List for the 2018-19 School Year
Health and Lifestyle / Student Life

The Dungeon’s Official Back to School Shopping List for the 2018-19 School Year

The Dungeon’s Official Back to School Shopping List for the 2018-19 School Year   Welcome back everybody!   Despite circulating rumors of the Dungeon’s demise and a sad Facebook messenger chat of Tower rejects attempting a takeover, we here at the Dungeon have worked tirelessly this summer to compile a back to school shopping list … Continue reading

Health and Lifestyle / Student Life

Anti-vape posters bring Juul usage among student body from 70% to under 20% overnight.

PRINCETON, NJ- Many attempts have been made by Princeton High School to curb underage use of electronic cigarettes and vaping devices, which have taken the school district’s and the nation’s youth by storm. Most efforts have proven entirely ineffective in cutting down the number of “juulers” from a record high 70% of students. Last week’s … Continue reading

NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft Crashes Into PHS Band Room
Arts

NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft Crashes Into PHS Band Room

After two decades of exploring Saturn’s beautiful rings and moons, NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft suffered a critical systems failure, causing it to plummet directly into the PHS Band room. Several stands, chairs, and the prestige the band program had been building for decades were all lost in the destruction.Cassini’s flight specialist Dan Ascher commented, “We were … Continue reading

Colleges Fall All Over Themselves To Admit Sophomore Wearing Harvard Sweater
Student Life

Colleges Fall All Over Themselves To Admit Sophomore Wearing Harvard Sweater

After flaunting a crimson Harvard sweater in school on Tuesday, Natasha Simmons ’19 has been flooded with offers of admission from nearly every top university in the nation. “Well, that certainly doesn’t surprise me!” said Mrs. DiMatteo, Simmons’ chemistry teacher upon hearing the news. “She’s been wearing Cornell and Duke hoodies to school for the … Continue reading

Junior’s Last Thread of College Hopes Shredded with Discovery of Naviance
Local / Student Life

Junior’s Last Thread of College Hopes Shredded with Discovery of Naviance

  Princeton High School Junior Adam Norton was admitted to the University Medical Center on Sunday night after what his parents described as a “painful, unsettling ordeal.” According to the student’s mother, Anne Norton, Adam was already feeling down about a few of his Quarter 3 grades when PHS college counselor Patti Lieberman sent out … Continue reading

PHS Junior’s Ego Impossibly Large After Becoming Admin of Club’s Facebook Group
Clubs

PHS Junior’s Ego Impossibly Large After Becoming Admin of Club’s Facebook Group

Martin Guiteau ’18, who was given administrative privileges over the PHS Landscaping Club Facebook group following his hard-fought win in the club’s presidential election, has reportedly not shut up about it since. Guiteau is a long-time member of the club. He has been a part of the organization since its creation two years ago, a … Continue reading